This was one of the first results that I began to see happening to me. But there is one other thing that I should mention here. It was soon after that incident that I had with Reverend Moon’s son, Hyo-Jin, that he came to visit my wife and I in our home in Kingston, New York. That incident was still fresh in my mind and the feelings of anger were raw to the bone. In our conversation he mentioned how beneficial this incident was for me. And he was absolutely right as I realize now but at that time I was so angry. I never raised a finger at this guy and he assaulted me for questioning the accuracy of his talk to us in Professor Shimmyo’s Life Of Faith class at the seminary. We got into a heated argument and in the end I asked him to leave our home. As I think back on this now it’s unfortunate that I had a falling out with him because he was so important in helping me to get my life straightened out so that I could be aware and a conscious human being again.

 

In the months to follow I found myself being more reflective. I mean, it got really intense. I began working as a security guard for an insurance company. And then I started to work the night shift there. For eight hours there was no one but me in that building. So, there’s not a whole lot to do in between making the rounds through the building. And when there wasn’t a good magazine to read I started to think. And given the fact that I was in this mode of being now where these really important questions about life were very close to the surface of my conscious thoughts there was like this intermingling of normal everyday thoughts and really deep thoughts. Who am I? Why am I alive? Why and how am I able to cognize and figure out all of these metaphysical thoughts about my nature of existence?

 

As a Unification Church member for fourteen years we had handled a lot of these type of questions but the thing is that I had given that all up. But I still wanted an answer to those questions that didn’t necessarily include accepting any particular individual as the messiah or anything. So I thought, “What if there’s no messiah? What if I no longer believe in the messiah? Can I still answer these questions? Are they still relevant? Can they only be answered within the context of there being a messiah on Earth? You know, those kind of questions, the scary questions you ask yourself when you’ve been in a messianic religious organization for fourteen years and known of the messiah and that he’s the answer to all our problems but then you leave all that behind. What else is there? Am I damned to hell because I’ve rejected all that? If you once believed that the messiah is on Earth and he is your salvation but then you reject all that then what do you do? Do I just do what a lot of former members have done and deny it all and all that I’ve ever been taught as blatant lies and deception?

 

This was one of the scariest times in my life. I was 35 years old and about to take a journey to find out who I am. I had previously thought that I was defined by how hard I worked and how dedicated I was in the Unification Church. But thanks to Hyo-Jin Moon, and I mean that with all sincerity,  and his ex-wife Nan Sook Hong I’ve been liberated from all that. But now what was there? What kind of spiritual life do I have now?

 

Well, at the time I was working on “The Integration Of Male And Female Aspects Within Men & Women” at the seminary. That was my sole guiding light at the time, this intellectual browse through the mythos behind the Sacred Feminine and the need for us not to project our romantic desires on a member of the opposite sex but to let that energy lead us inward to discover the great unconscious world within us, within me. That’s where I was at. I felt like Joshua when he was given the reigns of leadership from Moses to lead the Israelites into Canaan yet I was afraid to go forward. With all that Tom Pearson had done for me to free me up so that I would be free to make the journey within, I was ready but there was something that was scaring the shit out of me.

 

I imagined myself one time getting onto a raft on a river and laying down on my back across the raft and letting go of the mooring line. I would drift down the river carried by the current that started out slow at first and then would gather momentum. All this time while I was laying on my back with no concern about where I was going, just to let go and surrender myself to the river and let it take me where I needed to go. Then as the speed of the current increased, the rapids pitching my craft up and down and turning it around, there would be this point at which I would arrive at the precipice of a very deep waterfall and like that guy tied to the cross as he went down the river in that movie “The Mission” in the beginning of the movie, I would free-fall into the abyss, into the impenetrable depths of the unconscious never to be the same ever again.

 

But although that was a very dramatic fantasy of mine it was never to be the path that I would tread. I needed to take my sweet time as I took the journey into my own spirituality. After all, I was married and had a three year old daughter to take care of. I was in no position to go the way of a Buddhist monk. So I created my own path based upon the situation I was in and the needs I had at the time.

 

In other words, my spiritual path was made to order. Yes, you too can design your own spiritual path. But first you have to recognize your need to take the journey within. Now I’m not talking about getting all guilt-ridden and wearing sack cloth and ashes, though if that’s your style don’t let me get in the way. But for most of us I’m talking about just being an observer of what goes on in your life.

 

Like say for instance, have you ever had a Déjà vu experience? Having these is a definite red flag that you are being shown about one of your past lives. And the only reason why something like that has come up at that particular time is because there is an issue in your life that you need to deal with that was left unattended before. But our lives, our very existence goes in a spiral pattern so if you missed the brass ring before or a thousand times before then it’s surely going to come around again and that’s why you have Déjà vu experiences. But those are really obvious indicators. The trick is to see value in as many situations that you find yourself in throughout your daily experience as you can. It’s like a game and you’re playing hide and go seek with your Akashic memory. Everybody has one. It’s the “hard drive” of your energy body that stores all of your memories. You know that experience that people who had a near death experience say they had when their life flashes before their eyes? That’s your Akashic memory.

 

There are many reasons people have for getting religious or spiritual. Usually it’s when a relative dies or when your life hits rock bottom or you have a near death experience. Those are all good reasons to search deeper for answers about the meaning of life. But it’s not necessary to go to such extremes just so that you can come back into homeostasis with your true self. Besides that’s the path people take when they don’t have their ear to ground and do what’s best for their life. And I don’t get the feeling that you’re that kind of person since you really did make a conscious decision to come to my site and read this.

 

So, the best way is to be proactive rather than being at the effect of your life which is where you’re at, right?  And those Déjà vu experiences or noticing sometimes how there are particular patterns going on in your life or that your life seems to go in cycles are your signposts leading you in the direction of raising your consciousness. That’s what clued me in to that there was this alternate dimension to life that I could be viewing things from. So if you’ve had a Déjà vu experience then great. You’re so lucky because you’re getting a message. And what you’re getting has been retrieved for you by virtue of the fact that you have a higher self and this higher self is part of this universal “internet” of a variety of dimensions that make up what you’re experiencing. You are a multidimensional being in a holographic universe and it’s time you logged in and joined this larger world you are a part of.

 

Did I lose you there for a moment? I apologize but that’s part and parcel of what you go through when you’re being initiated into this larger world. Oh, you weren’t aware of the fact that this is what you wanted to do. I see. But, you’re reading my article, here. There must be a very good reason why you’re doing that. Oh, so you thought that you were reading about My Spiritual Path Well, I guess that’s what the title of the article was but really; what’s more fun for you to do? And I do emphasize the word fun here for life is a game, don’t you know? So, what’s more fun, me just giving you some account of what I went through throughout my spiritual journey or me writing about that while interjecting some helpful tips about what you might want to know so that you can try this at home?  Doesn’t it make this article that much more interesting to read when it seems as if I’m talking to you? And I like writing this way because when I do I can be very intuitive and sense the person reading this. That’s how I wrote “Tamara’s Journey: The Purging Of A Tyrant” and that’s how I am writing this because not only is it about my spiritual path but hopefully through telling you how I rose out of the muck of the tangled up and twisted neurosis that I was going through, you can learn something from it. So, I think I have your attention now and if it’s all right with you then we’ll proceed.

 

So, one of the ever repeating themes in my life is that someone comes a long in my life who express kindness to me, seems to smile a lot and makes it as plain as it really is that Love is the answer to all of life’s problems. Among the many cyclical themes in my life this is the most difficult one for me to get and the one that, unfortunately, is most ignored. Yet by the nature of it’s seeming naivete and simplicity it is absolutely the answer but it is impossible to accept unless you are ready to totally open your heart, surrender to the universe and make that your way. Otherwise your response will always be, “Yea right; how is that going to get me out of credit card debt or help me deal with the fact that my house is being foreclosed on or that I have just been diagnosed with prostate cancer or breast cancer and it’s me who has to take care of my aging parents who are no longer able to take care of themselves?”  But despite your every attempt to give your ego permission to define all of these situations in your life as affecting you rather than the product of your creation, it is the absence of love at the center of your life that is making your life crazy.

 

As I said, this was a hard one for me to get and I’m still working on it. But there are others of a lesser degree of complexity.

 

Okay, here’s another one. All of you have fallen in love at one time or another, right? Now, how many of you have not only fallen in love but know of surety that you’ve known this person before or been so smitten with love for that person that it seems like a dream? So, there you go; it’s one thing to fall in love but there’s like this other thing that’s going on too. That’s because not only have you fallen in love but you’ve probably had a very romantic relationship with that person before in a pervious life. But let me clarify what I mean about <I>falling in love</I> because so many people get confused about this.

 

Falling in love is probably the greatest thing that could ever happen to you from the viewpoint of your own spiritual evolution, my friends, precisely because it has more to do with the fact that you’re in a very good position to have contact with your inner sacred masculine or feminine—depending upon whether you’re a woman or a man, respectively—than a romantic relationship. But this isn’t to lessen the importance of romance because that’s the attraction that brings you in contact with a member of the opposite sex. This is necessary in order for both the man and the woman to work out the integration of their animus or anima, respectively. So while you’re romantically involved with that cute woman or gorgeous guy it’s important to also keep in mind that what is going on at a deeper level of your being is that you have the opportunity to explore your very soul and that is the crux of the biscuit, the big enchilada, if you will. But the balancing of these things—the romance and the integration of your inner self with your identity as a physical person—is this beautiful dance that was choreographed by the two of you before you were born and important to be kept aware of so that the two of you, not just one person at a time, can proceed through this labyrinth of inner consciousness toward your next step in your human evolution.

 

Yea, so lets go with this a little further, shall we?  You came here because of your interest in my variety of organic spirituality and everybody likes some hot romance, right? So let’s dig deep and sink our teeth into this one.

 

This is where I’m going to let my own experience come to bear here and hopefully give you some options for how to do things different in your own life. Remember what I told you way back in that article called “Coming Full Circle” about how I first met my wife in 1987? I fell head over heals in love with her just after we were matched by Reverend Moon at the church’s World Mission Center headquarters which in 1994 reopened under new management as The New Yorker Hotel.  But I had no way of knowing why I fell in love with her. Do you ever wonder why you fell in love with your husband or wife? You should because if you venture to reflect sincerely enough you will find an answer just as I did.

 

So, why did I fall in love with my wife? Because we got together prior to our incarnation on Earth and planned this out so that we could help each other. But now you probably remember me talking about my soul mate, Lara. Right. She is my soul mate and my wife, but Hong-Yu, is someone that I’ve known throughout much of my eternal existence as a soul and I had decided previous to coming to Earth this time that I needed to bring closure to this seemingly endless incarnating on Earth. After all, with the approach of the year 2012 going down this is my last chance to work out all of my unprocessed issues and go forward in my spiritual evolution. Hong-Yu was in the same boat as well and each of us felt that we needed someone to play this role in our lives as someone to be a very strong influence on us so that we could get this stuff over with. You know, someone to kick us in the ass when we get spiritually lazy. Well, to be honest, the person who needs that kick in the ass happens to be me. Nevertheless, we needed each other. Unfortunately, in my exuberance to go ahead with this Great Plan, I neglected to explain this all to Lara and that was a point of much contention in our relationship. It wasn’t one of my finer moments in being open and honest with her but eventually things did work out and then 28 years later after I was born Hong-Yu and I met and we began working together.

 

So, that falling in love was the flashing neon sign that was supposed to be a signal to me that this is it, this is her, this is the one. Relish in your love for each other but be mindful of what’s going on within you. This is your chance to shine.

 

Well to tell you the truth, I did not get all that. Perhaps this should have been a slam dunk for me since I was a member of the Unification Church and all. I mean, Divine Principle, the whole thing about the fact that the restoration of a man and a woman back to being true human beings occurs within the context of The Family. You should have seen all of the love letters that I sent her while we were apart waiting to be married through The Blessing that took place in South Korea. I was always writing to her about what Divine Principle says but I rarely practiced any of it. To be honest I was very hypocritical about my religious beliefs. I didn’t really begin to embrace those teachings until I had those sessions with Tom Pearson and had left the church. And then when, in my own time and on my own terms, I was good and ready, I began to walk my own spiritual path.