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Well, it seemed that we had ventured enough along those hot dusty roads going to Monument National Park, Arches National Park
and then actually we went to Canyonlands National Park. Monument was in Colorado but Arches and Canyonlands were right down
the road from each other. Of course Canyonlands was awe-inspiring but there is such a thing as getting over-saturated with
profound views of nature and that heat. For god’s sake, this is July in Utah that we’re talking about. It’s
a freakin’ oven out there. It was surely an understatement that we needed to do something different. Something a little
more refreshing. Something with a little more moisture in it perhaps. Perhaps a river rafting trip down the Colorado
River. Oh yea, now you’re talkin’.
You know, I’ll just betcha that the number of companies that run guided river rafting tours on the Colorado or the Green
River alone is daunting to the novice. But the one we chose is called Tag-A-Long. They’re
based in Moab, Utah along the main drag and they are really good. I mean, if you’ve done this kind of thing before and
shot the rapids with the best of them then fine. For the rest of us whose only past experience with this sort of thing is
inner tubing along the Esopus Creek in New York—which is in and of itself pretty
cool—there’s Tag-A-Long.
Look at that name. It doesn’t say Kowabunga Dude. No. The name itself implies that you’re tagging along. Well,
that was just about what our comfort level was with this sort of thing and that suited us just fine. So, if you’re in
the same boat (pun intended) that we are then click on that link up there and check them out, especially if you’re planning
to go to Utah.
One thing I want to say about these guys is that they were so much fun. They were basically college-age kids working for tag-a-long
for the summer. How do you like that for a summer job? Pretty cool, I guess. So we took a ride in an old school bus with the
trailer-full of rafts and a couple of inflatable kayaks in the back. Once we got to the launching site this guy Dylan (of
course named after the folk singer / rock muscian and sixties cultural icon) laid down all of the safety rules. We could barely
hear him. Basically hold on and don’t do anything stupid. Oh yea and the hand signals: fist up means I’m
okay. Not okay is, uh, extended middle finger? No no, that’s not it. Perhaps that pathetically struggling look on your
face while slapping the water with your arms. Oh I don’t remember; this was last month that I did this. Just remember
to have fun.
Our captain was a guy named Jake. He had a cowboy hat on, he knew this river like the back of his hand and he was in very
good shape. One of the first things that Captain Jake did to ease us into this river rafting stuff was to take off his hat,
and his sunglasses and jump into the 50 degree water. At the time it was like at least 95 pushing 100 outside. Nobody from
our boat followed him, not until later.
Then something interesting happened. That guy, Dylan; well his boat came close to ours and he, in the spirit of Jack Sparrow,
customarily boarded out raft. Kinda weird. Then he took our bailing bucket. Again, kinda weird. And then not three seconds
after he got back to his raft they started hauling water at us. Very very weird. And this was all happening while our fearless
leader was off swimming about 100 feet starboard (that’s off to the right for you land lovers) from us. Well, Jake got
wind of this and hurried back and we chased after them and Jake used the oars to splash the hell out of them. We eventually
got our bucket back and then everybody was doing that, Total unrelenting Water War and some genuinely good clean summertime
fun. My nine year old daughter didn't get the humor of all this as quick as the rest of us so she cried in my wife’s
bosom for a little while.
But after that it got a little more pleasant. I finally got up the courage and jumped into the refreshingly cool water. I
was just floating along with the boat in my life vest. Sometimes I’d hang onto the ropes on the side of the boat and
other times just float along by myself with the current. It's also pretty cool when you've felt that you've had enough and
want back into the boat. What happens is that somebody or actually anybody no matter how strong they are can by virtue of
grabbing the top of your life vest yank you out of the water. It's your buoyancy plus the snugness that the lifevest is strapped
around you that allows anybody regardless of physical strength to do this. It was really great.
A couple of hours later we stopped for lunch. The entire staff pitched in to prepare us a really appetizing lunch. It was
called Mexicone. Entirely vegetarian. Here’s the recipe.
1 can kidney bean
1/2 can black olive sliced
1/2 teaspoon garlic
1 1/2 teaspoon lemon juice
1 lb grated cheddar cheese
10 oz sour cream
10 oz salsa
2 diced tomatoes
1 diced avocado
some diced green onion
mix all together
add broken corn tortilla chips just before serving or they go all soggy
serve in flour tortilla cones.
I had about four of these things. It was so delicious. It’s especially good on a hot summer day. No cooking at
all, just like the recipe says: just mix it together and spoon it into the tortilla cones. It’s just like an enchilada
only it doesn’t involve cooking and it’s much healthier for you.
After that filling meal we got back in our respective rafts and continued our journey. We had an extra passenger following
lunch. It was a rookie staff member. So, what he does is ask Jake if he can take the raft through the finale of rapids. I
could see the looks on the faces of the others when Jake agreed to this. Then Jake launched into his raft overturning talk
where he prepares us for the possibility that because this next rapid is rougher than we’ve seen yet on this trip and
that in the event that our raft tips over, we all will fall into the drink. At least you can’t say that he didn’t
let us know far enough ahead in advance.
Then the moment of truth came. We were about 3000 feet from this maelstrom of river water which looked like this gigantic
fist rearing its head up out of the water ready to pulverize our defenseless little craft. There wasn’t very much left
of that line running along the side of the raft to hold onto as the rapids were almost on top of us. Then our raft went up
at a 45 degree angle and again about four times. It wasn’t a fist; it felt like Moby Dick exercising his vengeful wrath.
And where was Captain Ahab. Was it the rookie or was it Jake? We were being tossed up and down and side to side and then the
unthinkable occurred.
Nothing!
No overturned raft. Nobody sent into the watery depths. Nothing! Well, that’s what we paid our hard-earned money for.
To be delivered safely from this exciting adventure.
The staff then let us off at a beach where we got out, dried off and waited for them to load up the raft onto their trailers
further downstream and pick us up with the bus. It was still unbelievably hot when we got back to Moab but then the staff
treated us all to popsickles.
Part 6 of Our 2008 Western Vacation
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