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I realize that it wasn’t so explicitly implied in my last piece but something happened to me at that farm. Was it the
food? Was it the lectures? Was it the choo choo pows?
Choo Choo Pows! Oh my I forgot to tell you about the Choo Choo Pows. Yea, I can see some of you right now with your
eyes wide open wondering what the hell was it that you just read. Well I really don’t know what it is either. All that
I know is that we did it a lot, especially before and after the stuff we did. That’s not very helpful, I know.
Okay, it’s like this cheering thing mixed with a touch of Zen Buddhist focus thing. But anyway, before we would do anything
as a group like play dodge ball, or water polo or a work activity or just about anything you can think of, we needed to do
a Choo Choo Pow. And so what we did was we would gather in a circle, hold hands and while closing our eyes we’d
say, choo choo choo, choo choo choo yea yea POW.
It was the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard of and quite frankly it made me so embarrassed to do it because it sounded
so childish but I quickly got into it more and more. You see, one very important thing about spirituality, that is, if it’s
true spirituality that you’re after and you really want to raise your consciousness then you must, as Jesus once said,
have the heart of a child. Now I said, the heart of a child, not being childish although sometimes it’s really
not clear where having the heart of a child ends and where childishness begins. Childish, if you want a definition, I guess,
must mean being irresponsible or not living in the moment or something like that.
And in the San Francisco chapter of the Unification Church a lot of what they did back in the 70’s was purposely constructed
so that you could disassociate yourself from your way of viewing the world from your left brain. Modern society has done wonders
in getting people into thinking way too much and away from being ruled by your heart instead. Ideally the head should be ruled
by the heart. There’s nothing inherently wrong with the ego except when it gets out of control as you can well imagine.
Our society has become way too materialistic, rational and technologically oriented without balancing it out with compassion,
caring for one another and just plain living from your heart. The result is all of the ills of society that we know all too
well. And this is why Sun Myung Moon came on the scene. Now, in the beginning I think he was heading in that direction but
I think somehow he got misdirected. But don’t get me wrong, I still believe that was God’s plan and Moon’s
original intention but he “fell off his horse” as you would say. But that’s all right because the world
didn’t just have one messiah who came to save it. Are you kidding? God’s much smarter than that. Send one savior
and hope he doesn’t screw up? That’s what anyone would do. Whenever God creates he always has contingency plans
and lots of them. Many people have come here to Earth to help prepare her for ascension. Sun Myung Moon, although a very key
individual, was only one of a whole host of Light Workers.
So, where was I? Oh, the choo choo pow thing. Do I need to talk more about that? No, I think you get the idea.
I think what kept me hanging around the Unification Church past the weekend at Booneville was the spirit of friendship and
camaraderie. Usually for a religious initiate it takes a very specific spiritual experience and I mean one that knocks you
off your feet to get you past the point of no return, and that hadn’t happened to me yet. But I was attracted to all
of the great people I was with. There was this spirit of adventure and a genuine enthusiasm that pervaded everything we did.
The mood in general was so light, bright and exciting. I just didn’t want to leave. I was fed, housed, clothed and had
all my needs taken care of. And when we got back to the city we were all organized into groups and sometimes we went fundraising.
Other times we worked for Project Volunteer or the host of other organizations that were created by the Oakland Family
as they came to be known back then. But eventually, as a new member, me and a lot of other new comers like me needed to attend
the next phase of Divine Principle lectures and another one was about to get started at that Camp K place I told you about.
The person who would be giving the 21 Day workshop was Mose Durst. I didn’t know much about him except that he was an
English Professor who had previously taught at Berkeley. He was good and he was very articulate as you would expect an English
Professor to be. But he was also very funny and he seemed to put his whole heart into it as he spoke about the Divine Principle.
One interesting thing about life at Camp K was the way in which you wake up in the morning. A lot of you these days wake up
to an alarm clock, right? Well, the way we woke up was to a live musical band. These two guys, their names escape me after
all of these years, would come into where we all were sleeping and with their guitars they start singing this song called
“The Red Robin”. And it goes like this.
When The Red, Red, Robin
Comes bob, bob, bobbin'
Along, along,
There'll be no more sobbin'
When he starts throbbin'
His old sweet song.
Wake up, wake up you sleepy head,
Get up, get up, get out of bed,
Cheer up, cheer up, the sun is red,
Live, love, laugh and be happy.
What if I've been blue,
Now I'm walkin' through
Fields of flow'rs,
Rain may glisten
But still I listen
For hours and hours.
I'm just a kid again, doin' what I did again,
Singing a song,
When The Red, Red, Robin
Comes Bob, bob, bobbin' along
Well, for those Unification Church members who joined in Oakland, did I bring back some memories? I don’t know where
this song came from or what it sounded like when it was originally recorded but when this guy Joshua and Ricky Jazwick played
it, it sounded so good. Joshua and Ricky were really good on the guitar. I wouldn’t be surprised if after all these
years he became a recording artist or something. He was very talented. He had that face that was so familiar. In fact, he
looked a lot like Howdy Doody, if you ask me. But a mature kind of handsome Howdy Doody. Those guys could really jam together
and having them play all of the songs we sang as a group really made it so very special.
And so, after being serenaded like this by these two accomplished musicians the least you could do, as one of those new members
who were still snuggled in their sleeping bags was to Jump It. Now what do I mean by this? Come on, this is self explanatory.
Jump it means Jump It. When you get up in the morning you don’t just roll over and eventually pry yourself up
out of your bed. You spring out of bed. Well, that’s at least what was expected of us back then. Hell, I did
it a few times because when you’ve been in the church for a week then you’re supposed to be a good example to
those who just got there. The staff loved me for that but that appreciation for my enthusiasm was about to begin wearing a
little thin and I’ll explain what I mean as I go along.
That evening, Dr. Durst, as he was affectionately known among us, was getting about halfway through the 21 Day Workshop with
his lecture on The Consummation Of Human History. This is the chapter in the Divine Principle that talks about how the progression
of all historical events has led to the present day when the Messiah appears on the Earth. It wasn’t revealed to us
just exactly who he is yet. That punch line is left for the final lecture. For some reason following this lecture I was feeling
kind of strange. I didn’t know what it was but I was having these strong heartfelt emotions well up within me. I walked
with Annie toward the back of the lecture hall and we sat down together on the steps. Then I started to talk about how I was
feeling. Moments later I was crying in her arms. Then after she had spent some time with me, comforting me, I really felt
the need to go somewhere and pray. I was new to praying and it was a skill so foreign to me but all of these raw feelings
were right at the surface for me and I just felt the need to tell God about them.
So I went down to the river, knelt down by this huge rock and started talking to God. It was one of the most heart-felt prayers
I ever had. And then when I finished I could hear Dr. Durst and a few other people praying at the ledge overlooking the river.
But the funny thing was that in their prayers I heard my name mentioned. They were praying for me? It was so weird.
Before I went to sleep that night I recalled something very important. Tomorrow was my birthday. And then I thought about
that. Well, what does that mean now. When I joined this church that was my Spiritual Birthday. So, which one is more
important. I really couldn’t be sure; it was confusing. So, before I laid down in my sleeping bag I offered a prayer
to God. I told Him that I’m not sure what my physical birthday means anymore. And so I offered tomorrow, the 20th year
after I came into this world, to Him by fasting for the entire day. It’s not right for me to spend my birthday expecting
recognition from other people. So, instead I will invest my whole heart giving to others in whatever way my heart guides me
rather than expect gifts on my birthday.
So that’s the way I went to sleep that night. And then, the moment I put my head down, I felt this comforting vibration
come over me. Then I heard the sweetest voices singing to me in this unearthly harmony. I was being serenaded by Angels. But
it was more than being sung to. Embedded within their music was this vibration that so soothingly put me into a deep sleep.
The first thing I did the next morning was go right down to that river. But this time I was going in. When I got there I made
sure no one was around, took off all my clothes and went into the deepest part of it. Then I dove underneath and swam to the
bottom. Among all of the other stones scattered in the sand I saw the most beautiful stone I had ever seen. It was an amalgamation
of different minerals and so very colorful. I must have it, I thought to myself. So I grabbed it, swam back to the surface
and swam to shore where my clothes were. As I sat on the sand I couldn’t keep my eyes off of this precious jewel. But
then the more I looked at it, the more it occurred to me what it was that I had in the palm of my hands.
Did I really want to separate this stone from where it had lain for so long? And then either the time was ripe for my mind
to give birth to these words of wisdom or a sage invisible to my eyes spoke them to me saying,
You must cast it back into the water. For if it is truly meant for you then it will return.
I took one last look at the stone and then I threw it back into the watery depths.
It’s hard for me to remember much of what happened that day. I just tried to think of as many ways in which I could
act selflessly, give to others without measure and just being free to love. I felt so full of energy. It was an amazing feeling.
Then during one of the morning lectures, right in the middle of it I was overcome by something so awesome. I didn’t
know what it was but suddenly I heard this voice; it was God’s voice or something that said to me that:
You are very important. You are to work very close with True Parents…..
And there was a whole bunch of other things that God told me that I can’t remember. But one thing that stood out in
my mind until this day was this:
You Are The Messiah
Now, I know that there have been plenty of religious figures in history for whom this was too much to bear, so therefore they
said something like “Oh no, Lord, I’m not worthy.” But that’s not how I felt at all. Oh no, if God
said it, I believe it and that settles it.
I believed it and I just ran with it.
Boy, I was on fire from then on. This is great. Man, I’m the Messiah. I didn’t have a clue about what that really
meant, what it entailed or how I should behave. I just decided to go with the flow.
After the lecture was over it had gotten really hot outside. After lunch—well, I didn’t have to worry about that
because I was fasting—I think what I did was I helped out in the kitchen or something. I didn’t want to sit with
everyone else and let them observe the fact that I was not eating. That would have blown my cover for sure. I was the Messiah
and so I had to be living for the sake of others. I tried to keep myself busy.
Let’s talk about what happened after lunch. We all went up the hill to this level area where we played volleyball. But
just before the game began the most amazing thing happened. As I looked up at the sun I saw a rainbow around it. It was so
cool and I knew it was a sign from heaven that my team would win. And as I played defense in the middle row I was focusing
on each member of my team and then when a pivotal moment came such as when the ball got smacked over to where it was being
tipped by the net I thought, Get It Over, and one of our team members spiked it over. I did this again and again. It
stopped being coincidental and I began to realize that I was making this happen with my thoughts. Whoa, I have this telekinetic
power. I can make things happen with my thoughts. Then we won the game.
After that spirited volleyball game we gathered together in a circle, sang a few songs and then we broke up to go do individual
meditation. But I had an idea. I thought that what good is a messiah without disciples. So, just as people were leaving I
went up to twelve people and told them all to follow me to a place up the hill because I needed to speak to them about something
important. And so they all followed me. To tell you the truth, I’ve never been a very charismatic person but when I
told them that I needed them to come with me they just came without question.
So, after I led them all up the hill I had them all sit down in a circle and I told them flat out that I was the messiah.
One woman started to cry but another man said to me. “Don’t you think we ought to tell our central figures about
this?”
His suggestion of doing that had the effect of clearing the air and bringing me back to reality. Our little group broke up
and we all went back down the hill.
Well it seemed that one of those people in that little get-together—obviously the young man who had the wisdom to make
the suggestion—brought this incident to the attention to one of the higher ups or central figures as we call
them in the Unification Church. Because one of the staff at Camp K asked to see me.
He was furious. He was screaming so loud at me while accusing me for disturbing the delicate balance of what was going on
there at Camp K. You see, most of the people I had taken with me up that hill were brand new to the church and I told them
that I was the messiah.
But as I look back on it now, you know, it was really a very innocent mistake. But the most important thing that I learned
was that, I had a very special spiritual experience. It was such a very profound experience but what I realize is
that if I had gone to somebody like Annie, my spiritual mother or perhaps Mathew or Jennifer Morrison or even Ricky Jazwick
perhaps and told them what I was feeling inside and what kind of vision that I had then I think something different would
have happened. But that didn’t happen. I had the “You Are The Messiah” experience. It’s a good thing
I didn’t have the David Koresh experience and started my own church. That would have been weird.
The thing is, though, that for one brief shining moment in my life—very early on in my life in the Unification Church—I
met God. But more important than meeting God was that I came face to face with that Divine Being within me, my Higher Self.
It got a little crazy and I got balled out until I got a splitting headache but I had it. I had an experience with the
Divine.
The memory of that experience has stayed with me until the present day so that at the time when I began exploring my inner
self I could appreciate what happened on that day at Camp K on July 15, 1979. Of course, when you’re a member of the
Unification Church your superiors have to yell and scream at you and make you feel bad about having that kind of experience.
We need to be humble because there’s only one messiah that God is working through and that’s Reverend Moon. But
what harm would I have done? Why was there any fear of me proclaiming that I’m the messiah. What would have happened?
Maybe a lot of confusion or many of those new converts deciding that they’d had enough of this weird place and leave.
I think for that young man to get so angry at me was a lot of overkill. Or maybe he was only a few years in the church himself
and he was in training to be a Unification Church leader. Perhaps he needed some yelling and screaming practice.
You know, I’ve heard that Sun Myung Moon does that often with the leaders under him. When any of the people who work
close to him screw up by not meeting quotas or goals then he brings them to his estate and screams at them. He humiliates
them and they have to take it. I think it’s a Korean thing, like you can’t think that all of this yelling and
screaming is something being done to hurt you. The person doing it like that young man who balled me out or Reverend Moon
is doing it with a pure heart of love so that I will recognize my faults and change and grow.
There’s something wrong with that. There’s no need to ever raise your voice at anyone who makes mistakes. I think
a lot more can be achieved when the person who erred comes to that conclusion by themselves and there are ways for a wise
spiritual leader to encourage a person to see their mistakes when he or she comes from a gentle, loving heart.
Well, after what I pulled at Camp K, I was sent back to San Francisco where I worked for this carpet cleaning business which
was among the many burgeoning businesses begun by our entrepreneurial members back then. According to the Oakland Family leadership
I had gotten way too spiritual and so I needed some good old fashion hard work to keep me down to Earth.
Part 7 of My Spiritual Path
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