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September 5, 2006
I’ve gotten stymied in the acim lessons I’m going through. I knew it would happen someday. This one gave me one
hell of a struggle. Lesson 24, “I do not perceive my own best interests.” It’s just that it asked me to
close my eyes and search my mind for unresolved situations that I’m currently concerned with. I couldn’t think
of any. Well, I thought of some but it got kind of complicated, a real mind exercise. For every unresolved situation it asked
you to enumerate the goals it would take to resolve them. I thought of a couple but it wants me to be so goddamn thorough.
And because of that I stopped doing the workbook now for a couple of weeks. Oh, I get myself so trapped into thinking that
if I don’t do one of the lessons completely then it will compound and I won’t have a successful experience with
the entire acim. Such bullshit. Well, what I’m going to do is to do the best I can with it and then move on.
I’m on the tenth draft now with Tamara’s Journey. It’s much better now. I tried to clean up all of the awkward
writing and the discrepancies that still linger in the manuscript. I’ll tell you; those few chapters in which Mitsui
and Kiro go to Miyazaki for Mitsui’s tutoring so she can help heal Michiko were untouchable. I made hardly any changes
in them at all. They were purely intuited or channeled by me when I wrote them and they came out really well. I think that’s
an example of how when I’m in a good meditative state that my writing goes along without a hitch. I wish it always went
like that. But I still have some work to do on the first chapter. For some reason chapter one doesn’t sit well with
me at all. It’s too one dimensional. I mean, Michiko dies and assumes her soul state as Tamara again. It’s like
it all happened much too quickly. I get the feeling that when the reader reads that they won’t really know what’s
going on. The fact that there’s this transition between physical life and a souls normal existence. Physical life is
like going to school. You need to take time out due to your immaturity as a soul and resolve your issues and then come back
home. We’re so locked into thinking that physical life is all that there is. And it’s quite convincing. It’s
damn convincing. You touch the rock, it’s solid. You get hit with a baseball bat. It’s solid and it hurts. How
can anybody convince you that it isn’t real. But it’s a point of view that we’re so used to experiencing.
We create our reality and it’s so in-ground in us that we know nothing else. I’m still trying to work through
that.
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