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June 7, 2006
Yesterday I started to write what I thought was a short story about my main character, Michiko Tanaka. It seemed like an offshoot
of my Tamara’s Journey story. At first I couldn’t understand why I was doing this. It seemed again, as it did
when I first wrote that short story about Sukahara, more of a titillating story with her as a super hero than anything serious.
But I could ignore this thing. It was a revisit to a what if. What if things worked out differently when John and Michiko
were matched and blessed in New York City. What if she told him who exactly she was, honestly disclosing her identity as Sukahara,
to him right there and then and not pull any punches. Would things have been different? Of course I’m revisiting this
moment that John Kevlan and Michiko Tanaka came together for the first time because it’s about me and Makiko Uto back
in 1982. Tamara came to me with this. It takes place within the context of Integration Of Power which I’m presently
writing now. Except this part of the story takes place in the latter half of the book after John, Michiko and Mitsui return
home from Ecuador. The way I want to frame it is that due to their absence, The Power Of Light has been without it’s
founders for too long and lost a lot of momentum. Nothing’s happening and they struggle to get it started again. For
some reason or another it’s difficult. Plus, John and Michiko are still having sporadic difficulties in their relationship.
Michiko feels responsible. She thinks that it all is rooted in the deception she agreed with Dr. Seiko to go forward with
so that her marriage to John could be annulled and she could continue with her career as archeologist and Sukahara. So, with
what is left over from her powers as Sukahara (what Mitsui actually left her with that was associated with her language capabilities)
she journeys back in time to when she traveled to New York for the blessing in 1982.
As I began writing it I again
felt inspired as the story came to me and I typed it on the computer. It felt right. It wasn’t just my infatuation
with the Michiko / Sukahara character. No, it was much more than that. Tamara wants to go into this with me and rewrite history
in a way and heal what went wrong between us. In a way it’s like living out a fantasy but within the context of that
fantasy, beyond time, existing in consciousness, this healing can take place for her and for me, for the two of us. She wants
so much to relive this with me, it seems. And there’s no doubt, as far as I’m concerned that I want to do that
also.
It’s like the other day when I began writing to myself in 1986. I went probably four or five pages nonstop
with that. Something happened when I did that. Perhaps I did reach back to my earlier past self. It can be done when you’re
present. There’s no past or future, just now. It’s a gateway, it seems, for time travel at least in the mind that
is. When I find myself getting into a groove like when I did that or when I’m working on this rewrite of the blessing
that John and Michiko went through, I feel very strongly that something is happening.
You know, I had, in the beginning
when I first was writing Tamara’s Journey, started to write about that. But, when I started to put the story together
I didn’t know how to fit that into the story. So, it got left out but I think I did that for a reason. That part of
the lives of me and Makiko needed to be talked about, revisited and healed somehow. So, now I’m doing a what if Makiko
and I hit it off from the very start and integrating it into the story line of Integration Of Power. It’s fun and in
addition, it’s drawing me into her soul, bringing us closer together. It’s a total fantasy and yet there’s
something else going on parallel to that. It seems like this will be like the final climax to the story and maybe I’ll
wrap things up after that and end the book. Who knows.
June 8, 2006
All of this morning I’ve felt Tamara’s presence. It’s become more apparent since I’ve began writing
Tamara’s Journey again especially the part I’m writing right now about her time travel journey to 1982 when John
and her participated in the Blessing. She’s here, such a peaceful comfort to my soul. Oh, my dear sweet sister, Tamara.
I truly love her so.
Returning to the writing of this story has shown me just how much I miss her. I must be so spiritually
open to be swimming in this reality as I do. It seems like I’m making it up but that’s what I think until these
feelings start coming to me on their own or her own. Yea, I could call her and then she would come. But this is different
this morning. She’s here with me today. I feel my heart healed. The broken heart I felt so long ago which I don’t
give much credence to anymore, has been healed and I feel whole again. That’s why I’m journeying with her to this
time when we were together. Of course, what we experienced was nothing like how I’m writing it now. No way! But that
doesn’t matter. That’s in the past. I’m in the present, or I try my best to be.
We’re both
creating a reality of our own to be the tool of our salvation. When I wrote this story by hand last year I had written a little
about this on those pages but I never finished it. It didn’t seem to figure into the story so I decided to leave it
out. But, Tamara came to me and seemed to be insistent that this be part of the second book. At first, I didn’t get
it. I thought I was just doing a “what if”. (wow, didn’t I write about this already?) Anyway, I finally
came around and it began to unfold—as it usually does, unknowing by me of what is coming next—right before my
eyes. It’ll figure in just after they return from Ecuador so after that I’ll put it in.
I love to dream, to live in the this other world. For the past two days (here I go again) I’ve found myself taken into
this story I’m writing. Tamara’s Journey. I feel as if this story I’ve created really exists. I yearn to
get back to my computer so that I can write more. It’s as if I’m living it as I write it. I don’t see myself
as a great writer but with what talent I have, I create these characters and the situations they find themselves in and they
come alive. I thirst to get back to writing and when I do it’s like a doorway into another world. I’m reliving
and recreating the memories associated with my brief relationship with Makiko Uto.
The entire first book was all about
that, the “What if” I had been able to go back to Japan, find her and make it work. She’s with me and allowing
me to venture into her soul. We are both healing together, sharing experiences and coming alive.
June 9, 2006
This writing of “Tamara’s Journey” is some kind of magical thing. It’s got to be more than my active
imagination. It’s part imagination and part pure intuition and interaction with Tamara. I wish I could have a chance
to meet Makiko again. But, realistically she’s a 53 year old woman now with a husband and children living somewhere
in Japan. Just like Laura and Rebecca she’s not aware of her soul identity. Why am I the only one of our group to be
this much aware? I’ve reached out to Rebecca, Laura and Gabriela. I had some success with Laura when we both took that
Anatomy and Physiology class together especially during lab when we were lab partners. That’s a sweet memory. She didn’t
“know me” but I was so happy to be close to her and working together on something like that. Gabriela, well it’s
satisfying to write to her in Ecuador and receive letters from her. Every now and then she writes something kind of cryptic
that seems to hint of the fact that she might be aware. But now the only one whose left is Makiko. If only I could get her
email address, that is if she has a computer in her home. I wish I could write to her, talk to her. Things are different now.
Before there was hurt feelings but now I understand that she’s my soul mate and if only I could talk to her and express
how I feel to her. But, then again: 1. She probably doesn’t speak English and 2. She isn’t aware. It’s a
sad reality but no doubt it’s true.
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