January 7, 2005
Last week my gateway computer (or what's left of it since I've switched out and replaced almost everything except the motherboard and the dialup adapter) just turned itself off. I knew it was the power supply but confirmed it by borrowing one of Walt Merrick's cannibalized towers at his computer maintenance and repair lab at the Thames Campus. So, that's why I'm penning this entry hoping that the old girl will awaken once again or be a permanent member of an already over populated high tech trash heap.

I've also, for some odd reason, started writing the Sukahara stories once again. It came to me as I imagined her streaking across the pacific hemisphere from smashing a derelict asteroid headed for Earth to smithereens. But, this is what was interesting. The thoughts of that are so strong that they stay with me like an obsessive memory. I can't get her out of my mind. It's like some episode of Twilight Zone or that movie I saw advertised a long time ago where the comic book artist draws a beautiful woman and then she comes alive for him. I feel that somehow, somewhere Sukahara, Michiko Tanaka will come alive in the flesh. Then, I think to myself: I know, I haven't gotten over losing Makiko Uto, the young woman whom I was matched and engaged to back in the summer of 1982 by Reverend Moon. Is that what this is all about. But, why the superhero thing? Perhaps I'm using her image and likeness as a model for Michiko. But, there was also that woman Michiko Kobayashi whom I met in Seattle when I worked at the Sunrise Seattle plant. I had an uncontrollable crush on her and I would always try to sit next to her in the cafeteria.

But, aside from that is the fact that it seems that when I create these thoughts I have an uncanny ability to make them assume a very strong emotional reality. Because when I inhabit my mind with the Sukahara character I get so caught up in writing about her. I'll go on for pages either typing or writing like I am now and I won't tire of doing it. The thoughts seem to be flowing from somewhere; preformed in my imagination so strong that it comes alive for me as if a hologram and then it speaks to me and I write it down. If I have this ability to make thoughts a reality then there's no telling what vistas and incredible potential await my hungry mind. Is this a result of the supposed sessions of DNA healing (totaling three) that I've had since being initiated into the spirit guide training? That was one of the gifts that is yielded from such healing. Disappearing aging lines on my face and the regeneration of my receding hair line hasn't happened as of yet. (I'm not holding my breath)

But, who is Michiko Tanaka and who is Sukahara and what is her destiny and why am I, of all people, writing about her? This much is evident to me: it dovetails with my life's purpose, to balance male and female energies, to know, understand and integrate with that beautiful, enticing conscious, intelligent, loving and sensitive woman within me. That soul must be Nessyphia. It's probably no coincidence that the computer died and my access to the Conversation with my higher self journal has been discontinued but not destroyed or erased, just temporarily inaccessible so that I have the opportunity to go deeper and see things from a different perspective.

February 12, 2005
The other day, Feb. 8, in the morning I received an answer to why I’m writing this Sukahara story. Makiko’s higher self came to me and explained that she, her physical self, is descendent of this Royal family who, for lack of a better name called Sukahara. Makiko is a spiritualist now in Japan and she thinks of me and is relaying this to me. She is one of my myriad soul mates (does it end?) whom I lived a life with during that period. I’m still not sure what role we played yet. I’m thinking about weaving her story with some license into the Sukahara story. She told me that this is a tool for me to explore, understand and use to process the issue of power and obsession with control, power, money and the material expression of power so that I can come to an understanding of power in the sense that I can choose to understand my own power from within and learn to trust Source and be guided by Source.

“The real power is within you and surrendering and trusting in Source.”

If I understand that then that will be a guiding principle, a guiding light for me to receive this story. Then the true spirit of this story will come out. I must pray or meditate before writing a single word if I am to get at the flow of this story.

I know where this story is heading. Eventually Michiko as Sukahara will realize that her super abilities, although still with her, are of little use to her and the people around her anymore. I’m not sure how that will pan out but I’m confident that it will definitely have a very profound effect, a transforming affect upon me. Michiko is on her way to enlightenment and spiritual evolution through the role she is playing as Sukahara.

I went to doctor Baksh, my family physician the other day to check my blood pressure and cholesterol. In that meeting I brought up meditation as one of the things I’m doing to reduce my blood pressure (although that’s actually a caveat since the reason I began meditating goes a “little bit” beyond bringing my blood pressure back to normal) He said that to be doing meditation correctly I should get to the point when my brain “shuts down”. I told him, “Oh, so that’s what was happening when I thought I fell asleep.” So, now I realize that when I do that it’s not that I was too tired but that I reached that level where my brain is shut down or relaxed. Before, I actually intuited that when I “fell asleep” (of which I now understand to be a brain shutdown) I could just gently regain my focus and continue meditating and get a deeper and more relaxed state.

Today, I tried that again with this new attitude I have about the brain shut down and gently regained my focus and continued my meditation. It was an awesome experience, even though I actually have neglected to meditate for a couple of weeks now. I felt so much at peace. That is peace!. Peace has to begin with me. It’s a groovy thing.

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